Horrorfest 2023: Cobweb

Cobweb

Written by Chris Thomas Devlin

Directed by Samuel Bodin

Starring Lizzy Caplan, Woody Norman, Cleopatra Coleman and Antony Starr

USA, 2023

Let's end Horrorfest 2023 on a high note with COBWEB, a movie the guys at Red Letter Media said they liked, so when it popped up on streaming, I checked it out right away -- because those hack frauds never like anything.

It will be difficult to talk about COBWEB without giving too much away because part of what makes it so great is that you never know exactly where it's going. As it starts out, it is apparent that it is about a lonely elementary-school-aged boy (Woody Norman) who is picked on at school and over-protected at home. One evening, he hears noises in the wall of his bedroom, including a voice, and it scares him. His parents (Lizzy Caplan and Antony Starr) reassure him it's nothing, but he keeps hearing it.

The smart thing is, in these early passages, the parents seem reasonable. There are a couple shots or moments where you might think they're slightly off, but nothing that's a huge red flag. And then the movie swiftly pulls the rug out from under you and moves in a direction you weren't expecting. At least, it was one that I wasn't expecting. And it keeps doing that, throughout.

The young boy his a little bit of an ally in his kind substitute teacher (Cleopatra Coleman) who can tell he is sensitive and needs special attention, and intuits that there might be something worse going on behind the scenes than meets the eye. At first you're not sure if she's overreacting or if the parents are or what. Hell, early on, it's not even clear if this movie is going to be about something supernatural or something... else.

Anyway, it gets pretty much everything right -- the performances are great, including the child in the lead role who has a big job ahead of him, holding almost the entire movie on his shoulders. The atmosphere is also great, not in an over-produced, big budget way where it takes away from the scares (like MALIGNANT) but more in a classic Universal horror kind of way, where there's a sense of moody foreboding in every shot. And, the screenplay is endlessly inventive. This isn't a "big premise" movie where you go in for the premise and then that's all you get. This one seems to have a new premise every ten minutes or so, and that works to its advantage.

I'm probably not doing the movie justice for how good it is, so I'll just say it's definitely worth checking out, especially on Halloween, which reminds me -- Happy Halloween!

Horrorfest 2023: Five Nights at Freddy's

Five Nights at Freddy's

Written by Scott Cawthon, Seth Cuddeback and Emma Tammi

Based on the video game by Scott Cawthon

Directed by Emma Tammi

Starring Josh Hutcherson, Elizabeth Lail, Piper Rubio, Mary Stuart Masterson and Matthew Lillard

USA, 2023

When I first heard of the game FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S and saw images from it, I thought it seemed like a pretty good idea -- basically, set a survival horror video game in a restaurant like a Chuck E. Cheese's where the animatronic mascots are out to get you.

So, when the movie came around I was interested to check it out. I figured it'd be creepy and funny at the same time and deliver on the promise of its premise. Unfortunately I was wrong about all that stuff.

The movie's not scary, the movie's not funny and it doesn't even deliver on its premise. I mean, sure, yes, technically there's a Chuck E. Cheese style restaurant and technically the animatronic mascots are out to get people, but there's so little of that and it's done so poorly that it may as well not even be in the movie.

The movie is REALLY about this unemployed dude (Josh Hutcherson) who is trying to keep custody of his kid sister (Piper Rubio) as his greedy aunt (Mary Stuart Masterson) tries to get the kid sister all to herself. Problem is, this dude can't hold down a job because he is traumatized by witnessing the kidnapping of his younger brother as a child. Still, when push comes to shove, he accepts the night shift at a long-closed arcade/pizzeria.

After typing that out I realize I'm getting too into the weeds here, but the weeds are where this movie falls apart, so it's hard not to get into them. Notice I've said so much without getting to the evil animatronics yet? Yeah, I know. So, like... this dude also falls asleep all the time and has nightmare visions of children who apparently witnessed the kidnapping and he attempts to talk to them in his dream to figure out who kidnapped his brother. And meanwhile his aunt wants to ruin his life so much she hires a gang of youths (including the guy's own babysitter!) to trash the pizzeria and make him lose his job.

Only, this gang shows up at the pizzeria in the middle of the day when the guy's not on duty. So how this is going to get him into trouble is beyond me. Anyway, all the animatronics, including the titular Freddy (a bear) come to life and murder the vandals.

Later, when the guy can't get a babysitter to watch his kid sister, and after being warned to stop bringing her to the pizzeria, where she becomes best friends with the animatronics and builds a fort with them (seriously), he simply has his aunt watch her. You know, the same aunt who hired the babysitter to mess up the pizzeria and get him fired in the first place? The same one who wants full custody of the kid sister and to effectively ruin this guy's life? That lady. It's not so much that I can't come up with scenarios in my mind that might explain this. It's more that the movie doesn't seem to notice its own internal inconsistencies. It drives me to distraction.

So anyway, if you guessed this guy's missing brother is somehow tied to the pizzeria and the animatronics and all that stuff, you guessed right, though why and how I don't know. I mean, I do know, because the movie eventually explains it, sort of, but the explanation itself leaves a lot to be desired. I'd tell you what it is here but I'm getting sick of thinking about it. Suffice to say that it's all totally superfluous to the basically good concept of creepy mascots going on the rampage.

Horrorfest 2023: Host

Host

Written by Gemma Hurley, Rob Savage and Jed Shepherd

Directed by Rob Savage

Starring Haley Bishop, Jemma Moore, Emma Louise Webb, Radina Drandova, Caroline Ward, Edward Linard, Seyland Baxter, Jinny Lofthouse, Alan Emrys, Patrick Ward and James Swanton

UK, 2020

HOST is an interesting modern horror flick to watch right after UNFRIENDED because they both take place on a computer screen and although they're only five years apart from each other, they represent a huge gulf in not only technology but also culture. The world changed a lot in those five years.

I say HOST takes place all on a computer screen, but really, more specifically, it's all during a Zoom call, something few of us had heard of or participated in before 2020 and which almost all of us know about now. Just like in the real world, HOST takes place during the COVID lockdown, and features characters split up not just be geography but also by the pandemic, coming together online for companionship and... a seance! Ooooh.

Where in UNFRIENDED I thought to myself, "Did teens really hang out on Skype in 2015?" with HOST I had no such reservations, not only because I lived through lockdown, but also because the nature of the film's setting makes meeting online a necessity as opposed to just a decision.

While UNFRIENDED wins points for the authenticity of its representation of an online experience, HOST goes a step further by actually exploiting the quirks of Zoom and using them as both moments of humor but also as moments of suspense. My favorite part was towards the end as the terror was ramping up and a message popped up to alert everyone that since they were using the free version of Zoom, their session is about to expire... and then we watch it count down in real time until... well, that'd be a spoiler.

I'd say director Rob Savage has a promising career ahead of him except I don't have to -- he's already made THE BOOGEY MAN, which I reviewed earlier this month, and found surprisingly satisfying. So good on him!

Horrorfest 2023: The Raven

The Raven

Screenplay by Richard Matheson

Based on the poem by Edgar Allan Poe

Directed by Roger Corman

Starring Vincent Price, Peter Lorre, Boris Karloff, Hazel Court, Olive Sturgess and Jack Nicholson

USA, 1963

I try not to go an entire October without at least one Vincent Price movie, so this year it's THE RAVEN, which I've sort of seen parts of before but never really sat down to appreciate from beginning to end. As a bonus, it also stars horror heroes Peter Lorre and Boris Karloff, as well as Jack Nicholson. And as a bonus bonus, it's a Roger Corman flick!

Not to be confused with the other THE RAVEN also starring Boris Karloff (and Bela Lugosi!) that I checked out in the very first Horrorfest way back in 2009, this one is also "based" on the Edgar Allan Poe poem in only the loosest sense. This time around Peter Lorre has been transformed into the titular bird by an evil wizard (Boris Karloff) and enlists the help of another wizard (Vincent Price) to not only return to human form but also exact his revenge. Price is reluctant to help (even is dead father's corpse warns him not to) but ends up coming along when he finds out his beloved Lenore (from the poem! get it?) (Hazel Court) is not dead but instead inexplicably in the clutches of Karloff. Jack Nicholson and Olive Sturgess round out the cast as Lorre and Price's kids, respectively.

THE RAVEN is only a horror movie in its trappings: big cobweb-filled houses, old imposing castles, crypts, laboratories, dead bodies, axe-wielding henchmen, thunder and lightning crashes... all that stuff is here, and more, but it's all in the service of what turns out to be a farcical comedy. That's to the movie's strength because, played straight, I don't think there's enough going on here to keep anyone's attention. But played for laughs, it's an amusing distraction.

All the leads are great as always with Price standing out specifically as an ultra-polite gentleman with a distaste for mixing macabre elixirs, but who does it anyway, in a pinch. Lorre's in full harassed mode, which his his best mode, and Karloff is aloof and above everything, playing it as straight as he can as a passive aggressively evil wizard. Really, just having the chance to see all three of these guys on screen playing off of each other is worth it. 

Horrorfest 2023: Unfriended

Unfriended

Written by Nelson Greaves

Directed by Leo Gabriadze

Starring Shelley Hennig, Moses Storm, Renee Olstead, Will Petz, Jaco Wysocki, Courtney Halverson and Heather Sossaman

USA, 2015

One of many internet-based horror movies that have come out over the last couple decades, the entirety of UNFRIENDED takes place on the computer desktop of a high school girl (Shelley Hennig). As the movie opens she's having an intimate video chat via Skype (remember Skype?) with her boyfriend (Moses Storm), but it isn't long before her friends, another couple (Renee Olstead and Will Peltz) and a tech savvy third wheel (Jacob Wysocki) interrupt and join the call.

Strangely, another user who does not have their camera on and does not have a photograph for an avatar is also on the call -- and no one knows who it is. They also don't seem to be able to kick the unknown user off of the call, and now matter how many times they end and re-start the call, or who ends it and re-starts it, the unknown user seems to come along.

If you're guessing this unknown user is the vengeful spirit of their high school friend (Heather Sossaman) who killed herself shortly after being humiliated both at a party and online -- you guessed right!

A movie like this is made or broken in large part on the believability of the on-screen experience -- is this what computers actually look like and how they behave? And by this metric I'd say UNFRIENDED passes with flying colors. Nothing looks glaringly like a made-for-movies operating system or program. It all seems like the real deal. And, aside from a few things that could be waved away as the main character's quirks, the people in the movie interact with the technology the same way a real person would.

There's also, of course, the way the script uses the technology, and again, here, everything remains fairly non-convoluted -- the filmmakers do not bend over backwards attempting to shove their square premise into a round hole. They find clever ways to make it work seamlessly. Really the only big question I had was whether or not teenagers in 2015 commonly hopped on Skype calls together, but since I was an old man by then, I do not know from firsthand experience and am willing to meet the movie halfway.

The best (and most chilling) sequence is one in which one of the characters realizes he's being watched by a camera in his own room. Like, a camera other than the one he is using. Creepy, huh?

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention he performances, however, which must have been difficult to pull off sitting in front of webcams and interacting via screens. By the end of the movie most of the cast has basically gone into freak out mode, but there's a nice build up to that, and they do a good job of getting their characters and motivations across without a lot to work with.

Horrorfest 2023: The Red House

The Red House

Written and directed by Delmer Daves

Based on the novel by George Agnew Chamberlain

Starring Edward G. Robinson, Lon McCallister, Judith Anderson, Rory Calhoun, Allene Roberts, Julie London, Ona Munson and Harry Shannon

USA, 1947

When a reclusive farmer's (Edward G. Robinson) teenage adopted daughter (Allene Roberts) gets her high school friend (Lon McCallister) a job as a farmhand on the family farm, the duo become increasingly obsessed with finding out what exactly is hiding in the nearby woods. On a dark and stormy night, when the farmhand wants to take a shortcut through the woods, the farmer warns him off with tales of a red house in the woods where mysterious screams can be heard and accidents befall those who dare go near it. 

I'd never heard of this little human drama with some mystery and horror thrown in before and it'd fit just as well among the ranks of famous noir films as it does alongside horror movies. Perhaps I say noir because I'm used to seeing Edward G. Robinson as either a hard-bitten gangster or other similarly cynical characters in crime and detective movies, and not so used to seeing him as a humble farmer.

Of course, as the movie unfolds, Robinson gets many chances to flex his tough guy chops, because it turns out his character's directly embroiled in the mysterious tragedy that took place in the elusive red house in the woods. It's not just a tough guy turn, though. Robinson gets a great role to play here as he gets to be paranoid, delusional, manic and murderous, all in turn. No one else in the cast quite lives up to this performance, and the direction and cinematography are pretty rote, but Robinson's performance and the intriguing story are enough to warrant a watch.

Horrorfest 2023: Terrifier 2

Terrifier 2

Written and directed by Damien Leone

Starring Lauren LaVera, Elliot Fullam, Sarah Voigt, Kailey Hyman, Casey Hartnett and David Howard Thornton

USA, 2022

Are the rumors true -- is TERRIFIER 2 really better than TERRIFIER?

Well, it is and it isn't.

It's better in the sense that there's more going on in the way of plot and character development. Instead of just getting bodies to hack 'n stack, we get a couple fairly sympathetic characters, a teenage sister and brother duo (Lauren LaVera and Elliot Fullam) who are adjusting to life after their father's tragic death. Right there, we've got one up on the original TERRIFIER as we can begin to care about Art the Clown's potential victims.

That's about where the improvements stop, though. All the other possible improvements are sort of backhanded -- like, the movie's more ambitious in the sense that it includes fantasy and dream sequences, but once those are included it opens the door to asking, "Why?" That's something we didn't have to ask with the first TERRIFIER which was just content to be what it was. I might sound like I'm trying to have my slasher cake and eat it too, here, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that my perfect TERRIFIER movie would be a hybrid of parts one and two -- it'd have the interesting characters of part two, and the no frills, straight-forward nature of part one.

I feel this way in no small part to the movie's ludicrous running time, which is two hours and eighteen minutes. That's far, far too long for a movie about a clown who murders people. And I say this with the realization that both previous versions of IT are also very long. You're all too long, movies. Stop it.

Part of the problem is that a large part of the run time is made up of elaborate torture and kill scenes. The first movie had one big torture/kill sequence that stole the movie, and was content with that. This one has multiple, one longer than the other, and it gets to the point where, when you get to the end of the movie, you know the last ones alive are gonna like... live... so you know all the "cool" parts are behind you, right? So why keep watching, especially if a quarter of your way through the third hour?

Still, at the center, we have a well designed and effective slasher villain in Art the Clown, who is still played to perfection by David Howard Thornton. So now the TERRIFIER series has two good things going for -- good heroes and good villains. Maybe part three will have a good story? And be less than two hours long?