Bring back the Bull Moose Party

I was thinking about the dumb Tea Party today and how they take their name, appropriately or not, from a historical protest. I understand where the name comes from, but it's interesting how it kind of stands at odds with the way these types often want Republicans and conservatives to appear macho -- that's the usual thing, right? Conservatives are manly and liberals are pussies? But then you name your supposed grassroots movement after an effeminate game little girls play with stuffed animals?

Anyway, as I was thinking about this today it occurred to me that maybe liberals and/or Democrats need some kind of pretend grassroots movement. It seems to me if the conservatives want a girly name for their party, the supposedly pussy liberals should choose a manly name.

And that's when I remembered -- the Bull Moose Party.

One of the few things I remember from my AP History Class is how bad ass Teddy Roosevelt was. He had a sweet 'stache, a monocle, a giant personality, went around boasting about how awesome he was all the time. He was a real character. When he split with the Republican party, he formed the Progressive party. When his enemies shot him in the chest the day of his campaign speech and he STILL showed up to give the speech, he responded, "I'm as fit as a Bull Moose!" And the Progressive Party became known as the Bull Moose Party.

Unlike the Tea Party, the Bull Moose Party was an actual political party. They were into some cool stuff -- national health service, social insurance, women's rights, farm relief -- they wanted to get rid of the influence of corrupt business on corrupt politicians, etc. They were also into some slightly more complicated stuff like direct elections -- no telling how that kind of stuff would have panned out.

In any case, it's time to bring the Bull Moose Party back, and in doing so I need a good leader to spearhead the effort. I nominate Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. He's the perfect candidate. Here's why:

1) He's simultaneously black and not black

2) He used to wrestle, so white trash loves him

3) Many chicks think he's hot

4) Most dudes think he's awesome

5) He's charismatic

6) I don't think I've ever met anyone who was anti-Rock

And of course the single most important thing that makes him super electable:

7) He single-handedly killed Osama bin Laden.