Horrorfest 2025: Rumpelstiltskin

Rumpelstiltskin
Written by Mark Jones and Joe Ruby
Directed by Mark Jones
Starring Kim Johnston Ulrich, Tommy Blaze, Allyce Beasley and Max Grodénchik
USA, 1995

RUMPELSTILTSKIN tells a somewhat bastardized version of the famous fairy tale, as a hunchbacked imp (Max Grodénchik) with magical powers and a penchant for stealing babies is frozen in a statue by angry villagers in the 1400s only to be sold at an antique store and unfrozen in “present day” (1995) Los Angeles!

He sets his sights on the baby of a grieving widow (Kim Johnston Ulrich) who is recovering from the recent loss of her cop husband in a botched carjacking. Much time is spent on this set up but it has little bearing on the rest of the movie. It’s that kind of movie.

Anyway, Rumpelstiltskin feels entitled to her baby even though he didn’t really make any deals with her or spin any straw into gold, or anything like that, and so the movie becomes one long chase scene after another. Along the way, the widow hooks up with gross-out/shock-jock TV personality (Tommy Blaze) who reluctantly helps her out. This guy’s so un-funny he becomes funny, which I guess is also a good way to describe the rest of this movie.

The best thing in it, aside from the big explosions, is the central villain performance by Max Grodénchik, aided along by his makeup and costume. This has been a theme of Horrorfest this year: every FRONT ROOM has a Kathryn Hunter, every WISHMASTER has an Andrew Divoff and every BLOOD FOR DRACULA has an Udo Kier.

Speaking of Horrorfest, that’s it for this year! 31 horror movies in the 31 days of October. Happy Halloween!

 

Horrorfest 2025: Shelby Oaks

Shelby Oaks
Written and directed by Chris Stuckmann
Starring Camille Sullivan, Brendan Sexton III, Keith David, Robin Bartlett and Michael Beach
USA, 2025

Though I’ve seen his name around, I’m not very familiar with internet film critic Christ Stuckmann’s work on a firsthand basis. I was interested to find out, though, he has a big enough following from his YouTube videos to be able to write and direct a feature length movie with a nationwide release. So, I figured it was worth watching if only for that.

Unfortunately, that’s about all it has going for it.

The story unfolds first as mockumentary, then as straightforward narrative, telling the tale of a group of YouTube personalities who hosted a paranormal investigation channel only to suddenly disappear. Three of their bodies are found, but one is still missing and her sister is dedicated to finding her. Sort of incidentally, a film crew is making a doc about all of this, which we see part of at the start, but that framing device is abandoned early on.

I’m not sure why it’s there, other than to give us an excuse to peer deeply into grainy images trying to see ghostly figures. But, there’s any number of ways that could be achieved without the doc subplot, so I’m still left scratching my head.

Anyway, things go downhill once this framing device is abandoned and the sister (Camille Sullivan) goes on her search. Of course I won’t tell you what she finds except to say to the movie’s credit she does actually find something, which is more than can be said of some of these types of movies. Whether or not that something is worth the watch is up to you, I guess (it’s not).

I won’t repeat that saying about why critics can’t make art, because I hate it, but I will say I was surprised to see unforced errors that caused unintentional laughs. Just as an example, near the beginning of the movie there’s an unexpected suicide and blood splatters on our heroine. We cut away to some other stuff, then cut to later that night and she’s STILL sitting there with blood on her face. Even if she’s traumatized, you’d think an EMT or her husband would have wiped her face off. So, that’s already funny, then the husband goes, “You okay?” Which is hilarious to ask your wife who has been covered in suicide blood for, like, half a day. And she goes, “Yeah,” and then he just gets up and leaves the room. It’s as if an alien wrote it. Or maybe it was…. AI?!?!??!?!?!

For its modest budget, this movie looks good. So if the problems are in the script, maybe Chris Stuckmann has a career ahead of him directing stuff he DIDN’T write?

Horrorfest 2025: Frankenstein (2025)

Frankenstein (2025)
Written and directed by Guillermo del Toro
Based on the novel by Mary Shelley
Starring Oscar Isaac, Jaco Elordi, Mia Goth and Christoph Waltz
USA, 2025

I was pretty excited for this most recent adaptation of FRANKENSTEIN, the much-adapted o.g. of sci-fi horror about the man who dared to create life and the tragic consequences that followed. Not only do I love the story, I (usually) love Guillermo del Toro – especially when he’s doing his horror thing. Plus, Mia Goth, Oscar Isaac and Christoph Waltz are all recent faves of mine. I’m jealous del Toro beat me to casting Waltz in a monster movie, but glad he didn’t give him his rightful role: Van Helsing.

Instead, Waltz plays a character concocted just for this movie, who finances Frankenstein’s (Oscar Isaac) experiments for secretive, personal reasons. He’s also this movie’s Elizabeth’s (Mia Goth) father. He’s quickly dispatched, however, and it was one of many added details that had me wondering what the point was.

In this way del Toro’s FRANKENSTEIN is sort of like Peter Jackson’s KING KONG, and not just because they’re both chubby nerds with beards. It seems a lesson took from successfully adapting LORD OF THE RINGS was that no detail is small enough to go unexplored, so he filled KING KONG with so much world-building he started to bury the point of the movie. Del Toro’s not that bad, here, but you get the feeling his fleshing out all these details and filling in little cracks with stuff that doesn’t even really need to be there to get right down to the point.

This is most evident in scenes dealing with Frankenstein’s childhood, in which Mia Goth doubles as his mom, oddly enough. I guess del Toro’s going Oedipal here but there’s enough going on in FRANKENSTEIN without the need for that. Meanwhile, when we follow the creature’s (Jacob Elrodi) narrative, it sort of gets rushed through, which is strange, for a two-and-a-half hour movie.

As with most del Toro productions, the movie is beautiful to look at. The images are striking. Everything’s operatic and over-the-top, which suits FRANKENSTEIN, I think. The performances are all good, including Elrodi, who has the hardest job here. How do you pull off Mary Shelley’s version of the creature? Boris Karloff didn’t have to and made the role his own. Robert DeNiro tried and failed. How can modern audiences take an emo monster seriously? Elrodi comes the closest I’ve seen of anyone of getting it right.

What of the other characterizations? The only other major one featured is Frankenstein himself, played by Oscar Isaac, who is great, but the mad doctor might be just a little too mad a little too soon. Let’s see the stuff that goes on throughout the movie push him over the edge, instead of him starting out already over it. That would have been nice.

I’m complaining a lot, but it’s still a fairly solid movie. Just not the movie I was hoping for.

 

Horrorfest 2025: Bone Tomahawk

Bone Tomahawk
Written and directed by S. Craig Zahler
Starring Kurt Russell, Patrick Wilson, Matthew Fox, Lili Simmons, Richard Jenkins, Evan Jonigkeit, Kathryn Morris, Sid Haig, David Arquette and Fred Melamed
USA, 2015

The horror western BONE TOMAHAWK has been on my list for years and it keeps getting bumped because I keep seeing it’s slightly over two hours long and also get grossed out about the cannibalism. But, I’ve finally gotten around to it, and I’m glad I have, because it reminded me that I like westerns, so it doesn’t matter if they’re over two hours long and have cannibals in them.

Kurt Russell leads a well-cast posse (Patrick Wilson, Matthew Fox and Richard Jenkins) on a quest to follow the trail of a group of cannibals who have kidnapped one of the parties’ wife (Lili Simmons). After a brief horror interlude starring David Arquette and Sid Haig, the bulk of the movie is made up of this journey and an examination of the relationship dynamics between these guys. Who’s right, who’s wrong, who’s going to change, who isn’t. One of them starts out injured, so it also becomes a bit of a survival story as he pushes himself to continue.

I guess it’s a testament to the perceived unmarketability of westerns that this otherwise straightforward Hollywood crowd pleaser should take the form of a low budget indie production. It didn’t make waves when it came out, because no one saw it, but time has been kind, and now it regularly pops up on best-of lists, which makes me happy.

 

Horrorfest 2025: Nightbitch

Nightbitch
Written and directed by Marielle Heller
Based on the novel by Rachel Yoder
Starring Amy Adams, Scoot McNairy, Arleigh Snowden, Emmett Snowden, Zoë Chao, Mary Holland and Jessica Harper
USA, 2024

New mother Amy Adams deals with post-partum depression by transforming into a werewolf. Or does she? Who knows? Etc.

After THE FRONT ROOM and THE WOMAN IN THE YARD, I’d about had it with pissed off moms, but NIGHTBITCH is interesting in the way that it clearly articulates all of the Adams’ character’s conflicted feelings about her new position in life as a mother while also showing that she can still be a good mother at the same time. She never takes it out on her kid. Which is nice.

She does take it out on others, though, as she tries to figure out how to reconcile the perceived death of her former life as an artist and her new life as a stay-at-home mom. This is exacerbated by the fact that her husband (Scoot McNairy) travels for work, so it’s not just that he’s gone all day, he’s gone for days at a time.

In some ways Adams’ complaints are stuff I feel like I can indentify with and I’m not even a mom. Like, I also get annoyed by other people’s children. I also sometimes get sad I spend all day devoting my life to something other than my dreams. I also would not want to be friends with other moms just cuz I’m a mom.

About the wolf stuff – it’s supposed to be allegorical or metaphorical, and it is interesting how it underlines the fact that we need to be reminded sometimes that we’re all just animals, but it’s also sort of ancillary to everything else. It’s supposed to be the movie’s thesis statement, but like a few other movies this month, it left me wondering what the movie might have been like without it? Would it be better? Worse? I dunno. At least it’s an interesting point of view, I guess.

Also, you should probably know that you would not consider this a horror movie, so if you’re concerned about that, don’t bother watching it.

Extra points for a great title, though.

Horrorfest 2025: Return of the Fly

Return of the Fly
Written and directed by Edward Bernds
Based on the short story by George Langelaan
Starring Vincent Price and Brett Halsey
USA, 1959

It has taken me 16 years but I have finally followed up my Horrorfest viewing of THE FLY with its sequel, RETURN OF THE FLY. To be honest, all these years, I thought I’d already seen it and written about. Turns out I was wrong! So that makes two Vincent Price movies this year. I’m not complaining.

Brett Halsey stars as the now-grown son of the scientist in the original movie, and I must congratulate the filmmakers for refraining from calling this thing SON OF THE FLY. He’s also a scientist, hell bent on recreating and perfecting his father’s teleportation experiments, with the reluctant help of his uncle (Vincent Price, reprising his role from the first movie).

There’s an industrial espionage subplot, but the real point of this flick is to get straight to the fly action casual viewers may have complained the first one lacked. The first movie uses a lot of restraint, positioning itself as a mystery, limiting how much you see The Fly, focusing more on the horror of the situation than The Fly as a monster. It’s also in beautiful color and widescreen. This sequel is scaled down in budget, black and white, and focuses on The Fly as a monster going on a killing spree, once our main character makes the same blunder in his experiments that his father did.

So, the flick pales in comparison to the original, but it does benefit from Vincent Price’s presence in the way that I guess any movie would and if you’re looking for scenes of a man with a fly’s head killing people, you’ll be satisfied.

 

Horrorfest 2025: First Man into Space

First Man into Space
Written by Wyott Ordung, John Croydon and Charles F. Vetter
Directed by Robert Day
Starring Marshall Thompson, Marla Landi, Bill Edwards and Robert Ayres
USA, 1959

This clumsily titled slice of sci-fi horror follows the misadventures of an astronaut who returns from space as a monster on a killing spree. Only his square-jawed military brother can hunt him down and stop him.

My little synopsis above is more tongue in cheek than this movie is, by a lot. The unique thing about this paranoid 50s thriller is how deadly serious it is. All the space stuff up front seems plausible, and the solution in the end manages to be bother science-based, while also involving an emotional sacrifice and some character growth. You could accuse this short flick of being a little dry and a little slow, but you can’t accuse it of not being the real thing.

Horrorfest 2025: The Front Room

The Front Room
Written and directed by Max and Sam Eggers
Based on the short story by Susan Hill
Starring Brandy, Andrew Burnap, Neal Huff and Kathryn Hunter
USA, 2024

Brandy returns to horror in THE FRONT ROOM, a tale of an interracial couple who find themselves taking care of the husband’s ailing stepmother, who turns out to be a racist. And also might be a witch or something. Who knows? This movie doesn’t. Neither do I.

The trailers sold this thing as a GET OUT-like examination of how racism manifests itself in society, both as a festering wound in the past and a legacy to live with. The movie itself touches on the racism a little bit but it's more concerned with how annoying it is to have to take care of an old person.

To be fair: there are more than enough obvious moments in this movie to show that the elderly stepmother is, indeed, deliberately fucking with Brandy’s character, who is a new mother who recently quit her academic job because they were treating her like shit. The stepmother (Kathryn Hunter) is clearly manipulative and abusive. But, this stuff is complicated by money. She offers the couple all her inheritance. Having been absued by herself in the past, her stepson (Neal Huff) wants nothing to do with her and refuses. It’s Brandy who argues they should take her in, cuz they need money.

So, turns out, they should not have taken her in.

While it is undeniably true that it is very hard work, both physically and emotionally, to take care of people, especially loved ones, and especially people who are difficult on a good day, it is also difficult to sympathize with Brandy and the things she ends up doing when some other solution could have easily been reached. If it’s supposed to be about a descent into madness on Brandy’s part, it didn’t go far enough. But, I don’t think it’s really supposed to be about that. So instead it went too far, I guess.

Still, I’d be remiss if I did not mention Kathryn Hunter is amazing in this flick and deserves all the awards she will never get for it.

Horrorfest 2025: The Woman in the Yard

The Woman in the Yard
Written by Sam Stefanak
Directed by Jaume Collet-Serra
Starring Danielle Deadwyler, Okwui Okpokwasili, Peyton Jackson and Russell Hornsby
USA, 2025

A depressed widow and mother of two, still recovering from the car accident that took her husband’s life, wakes up one morning to find a mysterious shrouded woman sitting in the yard of her isolated farmhouse, refusing to leave.

Sounds like one of those creepily simple premises you can get lots of mileage out of, right? Like, it would be weird, right, if someone was in your yard and wouldn’t leave? Even if they weren’t supernatural or anything like that.

Unfortunately this movie never delivers and is mostly just boring and needlessly confusing. It is one of the many recent horror movies that has seized on the trend of kind of trying to walk the line between “nothing happening” and “being scary,” inspired by indie flicks that get a lot out of tone, atmosphere and character development.

I’m not saying movies have to be all sunshine and lollipops, but if ever there was a relentlessly depressing movie, it’s this one, as the lead character is so realistically depressed that she is emotionally and physically abusive to her own children. So, she’s hard to root for, even if you know these people exist and deserve empathy. In real life, I gotta convince myself. At the movies, it’s the movie’s job to convince me. This movie doesn’t.

 

Horrorfest 2025: Wishmaster

Wishmaster
Written by Peter Atkins
Directed by Robert Kurtzman
Starring Tammy Lauren, Andrew Divoff, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd and Robert Englund
USA, 1997

Since I came of age in the 90s, 90s flicks rarely look dated to me. WISHMASTER is a huge exception. Every frame of this thing looks old.

Part of this is because WISHMASTER came along in 1997, a time when CGI was ubiquitous enough to be in lower budget movies but not good enough to look good in low budget movies. 

Add to this the fact that they use CGI effects right up next to pretty great practical effects, and the CGI stands out as glaringly bad. There’s one scene early on in which a skeleton emerges from a man and gets up and walks around. As it’s emerging from a man, it’s a real practical effect and looks awesome. As it stands up and walks around, it’s shitty CGI, and looks stupid.

Anyway, WISHMASTER tells the tale of a djinn (genie) who is awakened in the 90s and wants to take over the world. If he can get someone to make three wishes, he can break down the walls between worlds and all his djinn buddies can come in. I think. It’s something like that. I don’t totally get the rules here cuz for part of the thing is that djinns are all powerful, but can only use their magic to grant a wish. So, the djinn spends a lot of screen time trying to manipulate people into making wishes. But then, other times, he just uses magic, anyway. So, not sure what’s going on there, or why he doesn’t just get the first person he meets to make three wishes, instead of specifically targeting the person who rubbed his… stone.

Add to this the fact that the djinn, like genies in many stories, has a ton of flexibility when it comes to how he interprets these wishes. Sometimes it’s so broad he might as well not be granting a wish at all. So why this charade? Also, who cares?

The good stuff here comes in the form of Andrew Divoff and his performance as the Djinn. He gives off a perfect weird, creepy vibe and is not afraid to help himself to the scenery. Also, the PRACTICAL effects and makeup are great. As long as the shoddy CGI isn’t on screen, this works as a fun showcase for some crazy effects. Genre fans will enjoy supporting roles and cameos of horror icons, including Robert Englund, Tony Todd and a whole lot more.

Horrorfest 2025: Phenomena

Phenomena
Written by Dario Argento and Franco Ferrini
Directed by Dario Argento
Starring Jennifer Connelly, Daria Nicolodi, Dalila Di Lazzaro, Patrick Bauchau and Donald Pleasence
Italy, 1985

I’ve bagged on Italian horror here before and I guess that’s mainly because of Lucio Fulci, though they’re all offenders in their own way. Even though I feel like I’ve exhausted Dario Argento’s filmography, this 1985 flick popped up on my radar and it has two recognizable stars in Jennifer Connelly and Donal Pleasence, so I figured I’d give it a go.

PHENOMENA does suffer from some of the excesses of Italian horror, relying a little too much on long, drawn-out dream sequences and shocking moments of gore. They usually sacrifice any semblance of logic at the altar of just being crazy, and this one kinda does that, though it’s mostly the premise’s fault – get this. A teen girl, sent to a boarding school in the Swiss Alps, can telepathically communicate with bugs. An entymologist teams up with her to try to solve a string of serial murders going down in the area. His reasoning? Since bugs are involved in decomposition, they might lead her to the bodies.

There’s more to it than that, but them’s the basics. As usual, no matter how bored I got I still could not guess who the killer was or why they were killing, and as lame as some of the middle passages of this film are, the climax does have to be seen to be believed. I don’t want to give too much away, but I will say it does not violate the Chekhov’s monkey rule like RETURN OF DR. X did, much to my delight.

Also of note is the dope ass soundtrack this thing has going featuring the likes of Iron Maiden and Motörhead. I’d say Goblin’s on hand to contribute, too, except with Argento, that’s basically a given.

Horrorfest 2025: Student Bodies

Student Bodies
Written and directed by Mickey Rose
Starring Kristen Riter, Matt Goldsby and Cullen Chambers
USA, 1981

STUDENT BODIES is one of those flicks with VHS box art so good you probably sorta remember it even though the movie itself has sort of faded out of the public consciousness. I always figured it was one of those slasher first, comedy second flicks like SLEEPAWAY CAMP, but it turns out this is basically an AIRPLANE! or NAKED GUN-level send up of slashers. No holds are barred when it comes to the jokes and taste need not apply.

As the movie started, it was almost too much for me. Even though I compared it to a couple Zucker classics above, that’s more in style and tone, not necessarily in quality or execution. STUDENT BODIES wishes it was those movies. Every now and then it gets there, but a lot of the jokes are too corny even for me. Still, I have to admit, I laughed a few times in spite of myself, and a lot of that is because the sense of humor is just so weird and particular that I kinda had to.

STUDENT BODIES borrows its plot from slashers like HALLOWEEN, and has the “good girl” desperately trying to figure out who the heavy-breathing, first-person killer is before the next teen couple who sneaks off to hook up at an inopportune time gets offed. There are a lot of suspects and, I have to admit, I did not guess the ending. In some ways the movie is ahead of its time, presaging SCREAM a little bit. I assume Kevin Williamson MUST have rented this as teenager.

Interestingly, the stars of this indie product (which was picked up and released by Paramount), never really went on to do anything else. I say that’s interesting because they’re all pretty good for being Texas locals who never set foot in Hollywood. The movie’s worth watching just to see all the get-up-and-go on display, here.

But, it can be a tough watch. There are pacing issues, the jokes are all over the place, and it’s repetitive, by design. Still, I’ve seen dumber slashers and sadder comedies, for sure. 

 

Horrorfest 2025: Blood for Dracula

Blood for Dracula
Written and directed by Paul Morrissey
Based on the novel by Bram Stoker
Starring Joe Dallesandro, Udo Kier, Maxime McKendry and Vittorio de Sica
Italy/France, 1975

In the 70s, filmmaker and Andy Warhol bro Paul Morrissey made a duo of monster movies featuring amped up sex, violence and nudity, FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN (featured in a previous Horrorfest) and BLOOD FOR DRACULA, both starring Udo Kier and Joe Dallesandro. Now that I’ve seen both I can say I prefer FRANKENSTEIN, but they might make a nice double feature.

This liberal adaptation of Dracula has an aging Count (Kier) traveling to Italy at the suggestion of his servant (Arno Jürging). He needs the blood of virgins to regain his vitality, and his servant incorrectly reasons Italy will be lousy with them because they’re all Catholic. The Count reluctantly sets out on this journey and ends up at the broken-down estate of an Italian landowner who has four daughters. That’s four potential virgins! But this is a dark comedy and the joke’s on Dracula as 50% of them are all sexed up by the live-in handyman (Joe Dallesandro) who is also a misogynist Marxist.

The strongest element of this movie is the dark humor, mostly manifesting itself in Kier’s performance as a Dracula who is just so over it. He’s sick of being a vampire. His servant seems more into Dracula being a vampire than Dracula does. Just put him out of his misery, already. He’s great in the role and it’s a shame the rest of the movie doesn’t live up to him.

Warhol superstar Dallesandro, on the other hand, may be a hunk, I guess, but he’s not much of an actor, as far as I can tell.

As far as bringing anything new to the table in the world of Dracula, the movie clearly wants to hint at social importance by getting into the Marx stuff, but its real contributions to vamp lore are in the scenes that treat Dracula as no more than a junkie fiending for his fix. The film spends a lot of time dwelling on Dracula’s sickness and discomfort when he can’t get his blood, or, more graphically, when he gets the wrong kind (non virgin).

While the movie’s mostly boring, the climax is insane, so you can fast forward to that after you get enough of Kier’s fabulously bored and fed-up performance.

Horrorfest 2025: Found Footage: The Making of the Patterson Project

Found Footage: The Making of the Patterson Project
Written by David San Miguel and Max Tzannes
Directed by Max Tzannes
Starring Brennan Keel Cook, Chen Tang and Erika Vetter
USA, 2025

FOUND FOOTAGE is a little indie comedy/horror gem I never would have heard of without word of mouth from my friend Andrew. Boy am I glad he thought to mention it to me because not only was it good, it was right up my alley.

FOUND FOOTAGE is a mockumentary about a group of amateur/indie filmmakers setting out to make their own found footage horror flick about bigfoot, THE PATTERSON PROJECT. This stuff is played for laughs, but also could be 100% true, as evidenced by how closely it resembles the REAL documentary about an amateur horror filmmaker, AMERICAN MOVIE. If you’ve never seen AMERICAN MOVIE, please do.

As it unfolded, I also thought it resembled a movie my friends and I made in high school, a mockumentary about a group of teenagers trying to make an indie flick. On one hand you might say there’s only so much you can mock about this kind of stuff, so of course these things are similar. On the other, it was so well observed and on the nose that it did that thing where it doesn’t come off as too on the nose. You know, like SPINAL TAP or BEST IN SHOW, only even more realistic.

I won’t be giving anything away to say things start to shape up into a real horror movie, and even that is a little more inventive than you might be imagining. This flick isn’t content to just ape THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, which is to its credit, since it’s making fun of people who ARE trying to ape THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. It finds some new and creative ways to inject horror into the mockumentary setting, and it’s fun to watch the filmmakers try (and fail) to figure things out.

There’s also a funny subplot about the group backing themselves into having to have someone poorly impersonate Alan Rickman that’s worth the price of admission, which is nothing, if you have Prime.

Horrorfest 2025: Final Destination: Bloodlines

Final Destination: Bloodlines
Written by Guy Busick and Lori Evans Taylor
Directed by Zach Lipovsky and Adam Stein
Starring Kaitlyn Santa Juana, Teo Briones, Richard Harmon, Owen Patrick Joyner, Anna Lore, Brec Bassinger and Tony Todd
USA, 2025

I haven’t seen a FINAL DESTINATION flick since the first one, and I haven’t seen the first one since it was in movie theaters. It was the last movie I ever saw at the Mac Tri Cinema, my childhood theater, before it closed. I always thought that was kinda poetic, cuz the word “final” is in the title. Get it? The second-to-last movie I saw there was THE IRON GIANT, which is even more poetic, because it is cinematic poetry. The third-to-last movie I ever saw there was… just kidding.

ANYWAY, I finally watched a FINAL DESTINATION sequel because this one has gotten so much good word of mouth it was hard to ignore. Is it possible the sixth sequel in a franchise could suddenly be good? Are there even six? The answer to both questions is YES.

Honestly, having not seen the other ones, and barely remembering the first, it is hard for me to weigh in on what makes this one stand out. I was about to go into the plot, which is basically the same as all of them, and then praise the insanely convoluted death (and near-death) scenes, which are in all of them, and talk about how in this one they try to stop the curse from happening, which is in all of them. So what is it? Maybe they’re all good!

Honestly even if the movie rolled credits after the extended opening sequence that takes place in Space Needle-like structure cin 1969, it’d be great. You could argue the rest of the movie suffers by not living up to that segment, and you’d be kind of right because the climax itself is probably the weakest part (though the ACTUAL end is awesome), but you’d be kind of wrong because there’s also a scene with an MRI machine in the middle there.

The best thing about this movie is that it is actually funny, which is more than you can say for most horror movies.

 

Horrorfest 2025: Black Phone 2

Black Phone 2
Written by Scott Derickson and C. Robert Cargill
Directed by Scott Derickson
Starring Mason Thames, Madeleine McGraw, Jeremy Davies, Demián Bichir and Ethan Hawke
USA, 2025

I have a false memory of watching the first BLACK PHONE movie for a previous Horrorfest, so that was one reason I wanted to watch BLACK PHONE 2 for this one. The second reason was because the first one was good. And the final reason was because I love Ethan Hawke.

Turns out, I did NOT watch BLACK PHONE for a previous Horrorfest. I definitely watched it, though. I guess it was one of the ones I wanted to see so much and was so bored that I couldn’t put it on a list and save it for later.

The sequel both honors the first and moves in new directions, with it keeping the villain, The Grabber (Hawke) dead, but moving him into the realm of supernatural dreams, kinda like Freddy, only less funny. Also, of the brother/sister duo who starred in the first, this time we focus more on the sister and her telekinetic abilities, unraveling a mystery linked to the siblings’ dead mother and the twisted history of The Grabber. This all unravels at an abandoned, snowed-in Christian sleepaway camp on the edge of a frozen lake.

Even though it tries to be a good sequel by both continuing the story of the last movie and taking it in new and interesting directions, this one was not as good as the first one, primarily because the pacing is off. It’s a little too long for a horror flick and, while slow-moving horror often works well, especially when it comes to suspense, this movie lacks the ticking clock of the first one, robbing it of some urgency, despite the attempts to raise the stakes with bad weather and more supernatural goings-on.

Part of the pacing problems involves long, repetitive dream sequences in which our heroine goes walking in her sleep and sees visions. Every now and then they’re intense and interesting. But there’s long stretches of nothing, in which lo-fi filmmaking techniques, like muffled sound and grainy picture, combine to try to kind of give the whole thing a weird analog/found footage horror quality. It’s kind of useful in the sense that it shows us when we’re in a dream state and when we’re not, but it’s also a little too reminiscent of indie-darling SKINAMARINK which solely consisted of these types of shots. So it comes off like a polished Hollywood flick trying to go for indie cred. The first one kinda had that vibe, too, with the authentic 80s setting, but it didn’t go this far into aping someone else’s filmmaking style.

To be fair I guess director Scott Derrickson dipped into this before with SINISTER, but there the analog thing had a built-in reason, cuz the movie was about a guy who finds a bunch of 8mm films. Here’s it’s just like, “Hey, look at me! I’m a filmmaker!” Or something.

I mentioned an authentic 80s setting in the first one, which is sort of till around for this one, though some tin-eared dialogue from our teen girl protagonist, mostly taking the shape of convolutedly specific/creative insults, ring totally (and increasingly) false. She also has a personality that seems a little all over the place, ranging from trying to keep her brother in line and out of fights and passing on grass to openly telling basically authority figures to fuck off right to their faces with very little (to no?) provocation. Who is this person? She contains multitudes.

I suspect The Grabber (though maybe not Ethan Hawke) will go on to star in innumerable future BLACK PHONEs but this one was only okay, so they probably won’t be any better. The first one’s still good, though!

Horrorfest 2025: Tremors

Tremors
Written by S.S. Wilson and Brent Maddock
Directed by Ron Underwood
Starring Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Finn Carter, Michael Gross and Reba McEntire
USA, 1990

File TREMORS under “I feel like I’ve basically seen it but have I ever really sat down and paid attention from beginning to end?”

Well, now I have, and it’s no wonder everyone loves it. A small town comes together to combat a group of deadly subterranean sandworms. Attracted by movement on the surface, the worms destroy everything (and everyone) around them until the townspeople come up with creative ways to stay off the ground and kill them.

One of the strengths of the movie is the eclectic cast of characters, led by Kevin Bacon, but bolstered by TV’s greatest dad, Michael Gross, and Reba McEntire. This is both the tale of disparate people coming together to beat the odds while also not hitting that too heavily on the nose. The movie doesn’t waste time laying it on thick about how these people outright hate each other. They all get along okay in a weird little community. But it’s still fun when they pool their resources and get things done, and interesting to see the plans/solutions they come up with. This is a great example of a premise perfectly exploited for every scrap of imagination the screenwriters could scrape up, so kudos to them.

Like JAWS before it, TREMORS gets mileage from NOT showing the creatures, and then when they do show up, the effects are pretty great. This is a throwback to monster movise when absolutely no one was making monster movie (it predates JURASSIC PARK, even – btw, hi Ariana Richards).

Anyway, I’m sure this is coming off like, “Dude it turns out happiness is good!” Obvious, right? But… if there is even one person out there who has not seen TREMORS who reads this and goes, “Huh, maybe I’ll see that someday,” then it’s all worth it.

 

Horrorfest 2025: Ghost Almanac

Ghost Almanac
by Montopolis
USA, 2025

This one’s a little bit of a cheap in that it’s not a “movie” in the traditional sense. But, it’s my Horrorfest and I make the rules, so there. Just be happy I’m not counting it as multiple movies.

GHOST ALMANAC is a compilation of classic horror film and cartoon clips, curated and scored by a musical duo called Montopolis – one guy’s one keys, the other’s on… everything else? It’s like a couple DJs scaring your nightmares for you, live, right in front of you.

I guess the program changes from time to time, but this time out it included the animated short THE SKELETON DANCE, clips from HAXAN (previously covered on Horrorfest), clips from THE CABINET OF DR. CALIGARI, the Buster Keaton short THE HAUNTED HOUSE, clips from L’INFERNO, BETTY BOOP’S HALLOWEEN PARTY, the Georges Méliès short THE VANISHING LADY and finally, clips from NOSFERATU.

It was a great way to celebrate spooky season, reminding me that there’s plenty of Halloween stuff that’s not specifically HORROR… but still kinda creepy. You know, like dancing skeletons.

The clips from HAXAN particularly reminded me what a crazy movie that is, with the live musical accompaniment alternating between impressively catchy to highlighting the unintended humor of some images, working as both an enhancement and commentary on the film. Good job, guys.

If you happen to see Montopolis accompanying a silent movie near you (or if they bring GHOST ALMANAC your way), I highly recommend it. It is so choice.

Horrorfest 2025: Spookies

Spookies
Written by Thomas Doran, Brendan Faulkner, Frank Feral and Ann Burgund
Directed by Brendan Faulkner, Thomas Doran and Eugenie Joseph
Starring Felix War, Dan Scott, Alec Nemser and Maria Pechukas
USA, 1988

SPOOKIES is a hard movie to describe because it seems to be all over the place. In fact, as its opening scenes unfolded, I began to wonder how any of the disparate elements were connected at all. It turns out the needlessly convoluted opening scenes do nothing other than get a bunch of people into a house full of monsters. That’s all you really need to know.

But it also says nothing about why this movie is so weird. Without going into too much detail, as far as I can gather, the bulk of the movie (people wandering around a house full of monsters) was shot by one group and abandoned. Then another group came along to shoot framing seems I guess to try to stitch the whole thing together, even though they only serve to confuse the proceedings by adding a plot that is strangely disconnected from our core-group of house dwellers that has to do with an old guy (or dead guy, or something) with a werewolf (or werecat, or something) trying to resurrect his dead wife.

The main “house of monsters” story seems to have been conceived of as an episodic series of events to showcase someone or a team of someones who thought they had really nailed the special effects and makeup. And in some cases, they have. There are some truly gross and interesting monsters on display. Other times, not so much. It’s hit and miss.

Is it so bad it’s good, though? Sort of. It’s a lot to sit through the whole thing but if you can get a highlight reel somewhere that’s probably worth checking out because otherwise you might not believe this movie exists.

 

Horrorfest 2025: The Return of Dr. X

The Return of Dr. X
Written by Lee Katz
Directed by Vincent Sherman
Starring Wayne Morris, Rosemary Lane and Humphrey Bogart
USA, 1939

This is a fun little intersection between screwball, noir, sci-fi and horror as a quippy reporter  gets in trouble for prematurely reporting the death of an eccentric actress – even though he saw her dead body with his own eyes! Also on the scene is a monkey, but there’s never a monkey payoff. This violates the rule of Chekhov’s monkey, if I remember, where if you put a monkey in the beginning of your movie there better be some monkey business by the end of it.

I say screwball cuz I can’t help but think of HIS GIRL FRIDAY and other similar flicks every time the reporter hobnobs with his boss and coworkers at the newspaper. It’s all fast-talking, snappy dialogue. It’s fun to watch!

Turns out there’s a mad doctor in town who has been draining bodies of a rare blood type in order to keep the imperfect synthetic blood he’s created working long enough to figure out how to fix it, thus keeping alive his mad assistant who is a previously deceased child killer played by… Humphrey Bogart!

It’s fun to see Humphrey Bogart in a pre anti-hero/tough-guy/gumshoe role, a rare turn as a creepy villain. He doesn’t have much screen time but makes great use of what little time he has, and since the movie’s nice and short, you don’t have much time to think about it!

Horrorfest 2025: Dracula (1979)

Dracula
Written by W.D. Richter
Based on the play by Hamilton Deane and John L. Balderston
Based on the novel by Bram Stoker
Starring Frank Langella, Laurence Olivier, Donald Pleasence and Kate Nelligan
UK/USA, 1979

I’ve been a Frank Langella fan ever since I laid eyes on him when I was 6-years-old in his scenery demolishing turn as Skeletor in MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE. And, I’ve been a Dracula fan since roughly the same age. So you’d think I would have seen Langella’s take on the count by now, wouldn’t you? You’d be wrong!

But guess what? This year’s the year! I’ve finally done it! And Frank Langella did not let me down.

I went into the movie, having not heard much else about it other than Langella was in it, thinking he’d be the main event. And he pretty much was, however, I was surprised to find the rest of the movie was pretty great too. It even has a score by John Williams, and this is AFTER he became the guy who did SUPERMAN, STAR WARS, JAWS, etc. You might say, at the height of his powers. But you never hear anyone talk about his DRACULA score. It’s worth checking out.

If you’re familiar with DRACULA, it’s hard not to get lost in the strange differences between this one and others – like some other productions (I’m looking at you, Hammer), this one mixes around the names Mina and Lucy between the two different character types willy-nilly (and for seemingly no reason). It also starts dramatically in-media-res, during Dracula’s journey across the sea, bravely skipping the most famous Dracula stuff, back at his castle with Jonathon Harker (or Renfield, depending on your adaptation!).

I was excited for Laurence Olivier’s portrayal as Van Helsing – always nice having a heavy hitter on hand who can go toe to toe with Dracula – but here he’s oddly stilted with a strange accent. I understand the Dutch doctor WOULD have an accent, I just feel like it dampens and strains Olivier’s performance. So that was a little bit of a letdown. Donald Pleasence is similarly wasted as Dr. Seward, though, it’s fun to see how wrong he is about everything. Harker and Renfield are forgettable.

But anyway, why dwell on the negatives of what is otherwise a very handsome, grandiose and properly operative take on DRACULA, centering around Langella’s great performance. It’s aided along by a brisk pace and satisfying conclusion, making it one of the better of the many, many DRACULA movies out there.

Horrorfest 2025: M3gan 2.0

M3gan 2.0
Written and directed by Gerard Johnstone
Starring Allison Williams, Violet McGraw, Ivanna Sakhno and Jemaine Clement
USA, 2025

I went into the first M3GAN movie reluctantly, citing fatigue with killer/spooky kids and weird dances. I went into this second one even more reluctantly, having heard M3GAN turns into a globe-trotting child assassin this time, another thing I could do without in movies.

That’s not exactly accurate: someone steals the M3GAN tech and builds a NEW assassin with the intention of selling it to our government or another government or something. But the NEW assassin goes rogue and AI is going to take over the world, or something. I dunno. For some reason only M3gan can stop it, and she still exists, cuz she uploaded herself into a smart home device during the cliffhanger of the previous movie. Got it?

Whatever. The first half of this movie is ridiculous, though I suppose that is to the movie’s credit, as if it had taken itself seriously it would be even worse. And the second half actually sort of pulls itself together to come up with something of a character arc for M3gan the robot, while allowing her to remain a saucy little so-and-so, which, is also the movie’s credit. So how come it’s still not that good?

I guess how much you like it really depends on how into M3gan herself you are. If you saw the first one and thought M3gan, as a character, was just the funniest most awesome thing you’d ever seen, this is definitely for you. If you liked the first one in spite of M3gan, not so much.

Horrorfest 2025: Christine

Christine

Written by Bill Phillips

Based on the novel by Stephen King

Directed by John Carpenter

Starring Keith Gordon, John Stockwell, Alexandra Paul, Robert Prosky and Harry Dean Stanton

USA, 1983

Well, I can move CHRISTINE from the “movies I sorta kinda saw once but not really” file into the “I saw the whole thing!” file. 

Stephen King’s timeless tale of a boy and his car is a pretty fun ride, even if it makes little to no sense. You can view it on two levels. It’s literally about a sentient, murderous car. But it’s also about how a nerd can turn into an asshole if he gets a little confidence, which is oddly more topical today than ever.

Under John Carpenter’s steady and stylish hand, this 80s teen horror flick is elevated about as high as a movie with this kind of premise can get. The cast is all charismatic and appealing, the characters all memorable, even the side ones, and the special effects are top notch. I want to see a documentary on how they made the car, Christine, “repair” itself in a stunning sequence that looks just as good today as it ever did.

To the movie’s credit, it leaves any hint of explanation of Christine’s supernatural abilities completely to our imaginations, and spends zero screen time attempting to explain it. This leaves more room for us to hang out with the characters, who range from interesting and three dimensional to well-done examples of stock types. For instance, this movie has Stephen King’s favorite, a bully with a switchblade and a leather jacket, but he’s so over the top and memorably played, we forgive it. On the other end of the spectrum is Alexandra (Baywatch!) Paul as the love interest, an under-developed and forgettable character. Paul deserved better!

The movie’s star, Keith Gordon, is particularly good, here, convincingly playing both a nerd and a normal guy at the same time. Usually movies, especially 80s genre ones, view nerds as a completely separate breed of human. CHRISTINE allows this guy to be seen by everyone else as a nerd, but inside, just be a guy like anyone else. He also has the chance to transform into a dickhead throughout the flick. It’s really a great role, and well played. It’s no wonder he went on to a successful directing career.

Horrorfest 2025: Good Boy

Good Boy

Written by Alex Cannon and Ben Leonberg

Directed by Ben Leonberg

Starring Shane Jensen, Arielle Friedman, Larry Fessenden and Indy

USA, 2025

I once joked that I wished I AM LEGEND was about the dog and not about Will Smith. When I say “once” I mean “every time I AM LEGEND has ever come up in conversation over the last 20 years.” Spoiler: there’s a scene halfway through where Smith’s dog, his only companion, dies, and Smith must carry on alone. It occurred to me it might have been a better movie if the twist was that Smith dies and the dog must carry on alone.

GOOD BOY is likely the closest thing we’ll ever get to that — a haunted house movie told almost entirely from the point of view of the dog. 

Indy, the dog, who plays himself, moves to a broken down old house in the country after his owner inherits it from his dad. The dog’s owner is chronically ill, and his sister is convinced there’s something sinister about the house.

Indy’s pretty convinced, too. He sees stuff his owner does not, like shadowy figures and visions of another dog who used to live there but has since disappeared, Bandit, which is officially a good name for a dog. So is Indy. Good job, filmmakers.

This movie reminded me of a quote I heard once that I’m going to mangle here but it was something along the lines of: “Humans and animals view each other over a gulf of complete misunderstanding.” I feel like that about sums up this flick. The dog and his owner are just completely incapable of understanding each other, which is a refreshing take on the bond between pets and their owners you don’t often see in movies and also a useful starting point for a haunted house movie. Most haunted house movies have dull human characters who are written to be deliberately obtuse as a function of the plot. In this one, we don’t have to suffer through that, because we understand when a dog and a man are not on the same page in a way that we don’t when it’s two people.

Much has been said about Indy’s command performance, but I recommend you stay after the credits for a making-of segment in which director Ben Leonberg makes no bones about the fact Indy has no idea he’s in a movie and any acting you see him do is all you projecting your feelings onto him. Again, a refreshing and realistic take on the subject. I don’t know if this making-of is tacked onto the streaming version, because I saw this movie in a theater, but I found it to be the most interesting part of the movie, and would gladly watch a feature length doc about the making of this one, which was clearly a labor of love and story worth telling.

Oh, but what about the movie itself? It’s okay. I’m not a big haunted house movie guy. Throwing a dog into this one elevates it a little. The fact that this movie operates as both a ghost story and a story of facing death and letting go only serves to make me wonder what a movie from a dog’s point of view WITHOUT ghosts about death and dying would have been like. Sort of like when I watched DROP and wished it was just about a terrible date instead of a murder plot. Woof!

Horrorfest 2025: Drop

Drop

Written by Jillian Jacobs and Chris Roach

Directed by Christopher Landon
Starring Meghann Fahy, Brandon Sklenar, Violett Beane and Jeffery Self

USA, 2025

DROP reminded me of HEART EYES, not in a good way, so I was not surprised to see that it shares one chief suspect: Christopher Landon directed this one and wrote the other one. It’s surprising considering I liked a bunch of his other stuff. Maybe he’s jumped the (baby) shark! (Get it? Because that song is in this movie!).

Meghann Fahy stars as a single mother who is tentatively getting back into the dating game after a traumatic experience in which she was forced to kill her husband in self defense. Her dinner date’s in a fancy restaurant at the top of a skyscraper, offering a breathtaking view of the city.

The movie lost me at the premise, which is a terrible sign. Maybe this dates me, but the premise is that everyone in this movie has their phone’s airdrop thing both turned on and set so literally anyone can drop them stuff/see them on the app. I mean I understand maybe like kids do this or something, especially around school where they “know” everyone, but these are adults. Am I an out of touch luddite or is it normal for all adults to default to having their drop thingy totally accessible to all strangers?

So, that required some disbelief it was difficult for me to suspend right from the get-go, and then the movie just got stupider and less believable from there. We’re introduced toe veryone in the restaurant like it’s a disaster movie, so that we can have lots of suspects and wonder who the mysterious stranger is who is sending threatening “drops” to our heroine, the most threatening of which reveals that there is an intruder in her home waiting to off her kid and her sister (who is babysitting) if she doesn’t do the stuff the dropper wants her to do, blah, blah, blah.

First I was annoyed much of the movie takes place on her phone’s screen and, not being in a movie theater, it was too small for me to read the texts from across the room. I thought, how come this movie doesn’t project the texts all big like every other movie these days? Then, the movie started finding creative ways to do that, and I thought, boy that sure looks dumb. So I guess the movie can’t win?

Early on I wanted to be like, “Just call the police,” to which you’d say, “Yeahbut then he’ll kill her kid!” But — spoiler alert — it ends up just coming down to that, anyway. After this tiptoeing around, trying to figure out some sly way out of the situation, writing notes on money with lipstick, trying to write notes with eyeliner… it ends with her just rushing home real fast to try to stop her kid from getting killed. She could have just done that from the get-go, movie!

Also not for nothing but everyone looks the same in this flick. There’s like five different white guys with beards, and one of them is in a “big reveal” at the end that’s not a big reveal at all, but still, had me going, “Uh who is everyone.” Again, maybe I’m old.

Like HEART EYES, this mercifully short movie feels about twice as long as it actually is as there are more and more contrivances, by both the filmmakers and the characters within the movie, to deliberately stretch out the process of having dinner as long as possible. Being bored, my mind wandered to wondering what it’d be like to make a fan edit of the movie where you remove the horror plot and just edit it down so that it is the most awkward and weird first date of all time. I would have liked that movie better.

Still, the movie has a nice set and good cinematography.

Horrorfest 2025: Dead of Winter

Dead of Winter
Written by Nicholas Jacobson-Larson and Dalton Leeb
Directed by Brian Kirk
Starring Emma Thompson, Judy Greer, Marc Menchaca, Laurel Marsden, Brían F. O'Byrne
USA/Germany, 2025

Emma Thompson goes against type as a Minnesota widow who finds herself fighting kidnappers in an attempt to save a young girl from their murder plot. This is all set against the backdrop of an isolated frozen lake in… you guessed it… the DEAD OF WINTER.

Part DIE HARD, part FARGO, the movie’s most interesting when you get to see Emma Thompson do stuff like shoot people, blow up trucks and get into fist fights. It’s less interesting when it indulges in flashbacks explaining why she’s at this particular isolated lake at this particular time.

Thompson stumbles ass-backwards into a kidnap plot and realizes she’s the kidnapped girl’s only hope, setting about trying to infiltrate the kidnappers’ cabin, call for help, anything. The fun of the movie is watching how she develops plans, puts them into motion, and seeing the setbacks that crop up.

Unfortunately, the tone’s all over the place. This is a movie not only about a suspenseful kidnap rescue but also about multiple different kinds of grief and rumination on death, which makes it awkward when we can tell the filmmakers want us to think it’s sorta funny that Thompson’s character is springing into action. Not only is that tonally weird, but it also undermines the characters’ capabilities (she’s extremely capable) and unfortunately reminds us of FARGO. I understand just because FARGO exists it’s not like you’re never allowed to have another woman with a midwestern accent be more cunning and resourceful than you’d expect, but this movie kind of tries to hit some of the same notes a few too many times, thus making it impossible not to think of the much better movie that I’d rather be watching.

I’d be remiss if I did not mention the villainous performance, also against type, by national treasure Judy Greer. I could have used more of her and less of the flashbacks, please.

Horrorfest 2025: Heart Eyes

Heart Eyes

Written by Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy

Directed by Josh Ruben

Starring Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado, Michaela Watkins, Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster

USA, 2025

A killer with a “heart eyes” mask and a crossbow targets couples on Valentine’s Day in this attempt at a comedy-slasher. I say attempt because it’s not very funny. To get an idea of the comedic misfires, you can just take a look at the first five or ten minutes of the movie, parodying a couple staging an Insta-worthy engagement at a winery, only to be murdered. It looks so fake, is so over-the-top, and is such a cartoon, that all the satire or whatever it’s meant to be is sucked right out of it and we’re left with… not much.

Anyway, the rest of the movie doesn’t quite lower itself to the cinematic depths of the opening, and settles into slightly more formulaic and boring territory which doesn’t necessarily make it any better and is instead just another form of badness. There’s one really good scare that I have to give the movie props for, maybe a half hour in, but that is the only highlight in the 97-minute run time that feels like 3 hours.

Look, I get it. This is as much a parody of rom-coms as it is a slasher movie. But, just because I get it doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Horrorfest 2025: Death of a Unicorn

Death of a Unicorn
Written and directed by Alex Scharfman
Starring Paul Rudd, Jenna Ortega, Will Poulter, Téa Leoni and Richard E. Grant

USA, 2025

Jenna Ortega’s quickly becoming a bonafide scream queen. Or maybe she already was one, and I’m just now noticing. Not only has she done two literal SCREAM movies, she also showed up for Ti West’s X and the horror-adjacent WEDNESDAY and BEETLEJUICE, BEETLEJUICE. Now she’s chased by deadly unicorns in DEATH OF A UNICORN.

You’ll be shocked to learn Ortega stars as a sullen teen (or early 20-something? I think she’s in college) who is forced to accompany her goofy dad (Paul Rudd, a lawyer on a business trip to the isolated estate of a SUCCESSION-esque family (Richard E. Grant, Téa Leoni and Will Poulter). The patriarch’s on his deathbed so it’s time to sort out some SUCCESSION-esque stuff.

On the way there, they run over a unicorn. Before Rudd puts it out of its misery, Ortega bonds with it, and instead of calling someone Rudd decides to put the body in his car and continue on his business trip. How they get the body in the car is beyond me. They should have thrown in a line about how unicorns are miraculously lightweight. Instead they just had me wondering how they lifted the creature.

The movie actually had me wondering a lot of stuff, much to its detriment. As the whole crew figures out the dead unicorn’s body has miraculous healing properties and decide to exploit it for cash, the clock starts ticking until the time other unicorns show up toe exact their bloody revenge. Ortega keeps on telling everyone this is a bad idea, and attempting to explain a unicorn legend from some tapestries she saw once, but she explains it poorly and also doesn’t even really understand it. So the movie turns into JURASSIC PARK, with unicorns.


Not a bad premise. Just bad execution. Highlights include Leoni and Poulter as the one percent. Leoni walks a tight rope of acting concerned and like she has a heart while also being totally insincere, while Poulter supplies all the most comedic moments as he insists on both hot tubbing and snorting/drinking/mainlining anything he can get from the unicorn.

I think there could have been a good movie in here if they had abandoned all pretenses at trying to be a formulaic mainstream Hollywood movie and instead embraced the insanity of B-movie schlock. It IS schlock, it’s just a shame it’s self conscious schlock. Let your schlock flag fly, movie! Be free!

Horrorfest 2025: In a Violent Nature

In a Violent Nature

Written and directed by Chris Nash

Starring Ry Barrett, Andrea Pavlovic, Cameron Love, Reece Presley, Liam Leone, Charlotte Creaghan, Lea Rose Sebastianis, Sam Roulston, Alexander Oliver and Lauren Taylor

Canada, 2024

IN A VIOLENT NATURE is a slasher flick with an interesting premise: what if a movie like FRIDAY THE 13th was told from the point of view of the killer instead of the victims? But, almost as soon as I thought, “Oh that’s cool,” I also thought, “Wait a minute. Don’t most slasher movies routinely tell at least part of the story literally from the killer’s point of view? Doesn’t HALLOWEEN start literally through the eyes of Michael Myers? Don’t we spend a lot of FRIDAY’s run time stalking through the forest from the killer’s perspective?”

The answer is yes. However, the idea that IN A VIOLENT NATURE is told from the slasher’s POV is only part of the idea. First of all, it’s not REALLY all just from the slasher’s POV. Secondly, the filmmakers use this limited POV to make a sort of inverted ZONE OF INTEREST for slashers, commenting on the absurdity of slasher movies and their sequels by allowing the annoying stuff like relationships between victims and plot exposition, to unfold incidentally on the sidelines so that we catch only snippets of it here and there as the killer does the nuts and bolts of slashing we never see like walking from one place to another and hide behind stuff and stage stuff for others to find.

This approach also does away with the pretense that we should care about this stuff. The killer doesn’t care about this stuff, why should we. Also, we see how and why he does everything he does, first hand, so while the premise is contrived, the actual movie is less contrived than others in the genre, rendering it somehow less cynical than some of the “classics” of the genre. It’s counter intuitive: you’d think focusing on the killer over the victims would be a nihilistic move, but it comes off as less performative, and therefore, less insulting and exploitative.

The movie is also full of a bunch of other stuff lacking in most slashers, like a slow pace, time to look at the beautiful scenery and nice cinematography. Still, I was surprised to find most of the online commentary is that the movie sucks, is boring, the acting is bad and there’s no point to it. So… watch at your own risk.

I guess I never got around to describing the plot, but if there was ever a movie that embodied Ebert’s notion a flick is not about WHAT it is about, but HOW it is about it, it’s this one. I wonder if he would have liked it? Probably not. But I did!

Horrorfest 2025: Strange Darling

Strange Darling
Written and directed by JT Mollner

Starring Willa Fitzgerald, Kyle Gallner, Madison Beaty, Steven Michael Quezada, Ed Begley Jr. and Barbara Hershey
USA, 2024

A game of cat and mouse unfolds between a woman on the run and a man with a gun in STRANGE DARLING, a movie where you’re never quite sure who’s the cat and who’s the mouse. Or if they’re both cats? Or if they’re both mice?

We’re told up front this is going to be a story told in six chapters, and then immediately have the rug pulled out from under us when we realize the six chapters are not going to be in order. This could be a moment where you roll your eyes and go, “I get it. I’ve seen a Tarantino flick before.” Except, for once, the non linear storytelling fits well with the premise, which is this: a woman and a man meet up to do a little bondage/rape role play. Where does the play start and end? What’s REALLY going on? If you’re like me, you’ll be kept guessing until the movie’s last moments.

The movie wouldn’t work as well as it does without the two central performances by Willa Fitzgerald and Kyle Gallner who are able to keep us guessing where they’re coming from while also embodying specific characters and rising to the physical challenge of what’s basically nonstop action. I wasn’t familiar with Fitzgerald before this, thought she’s been at it for 20 years, but I’m a fan of Gallner’s from his charismatic performance in the great DINNER IN AMERICA.

As Stefon might say, this movie has everything: gore, action, suspense, sex and even laughs. It’s the kind of movie that makes me want to say stuff like, “They don’t make ’em like this anymore” and, “Now THAT’S a movie,” but I won’t because that’d be cliched. 

It’s interesting to note the great cinematography is by Giovanni Ribisi, of all people, known to me mostly as one of the brighter spots in the less-good seasons of THE WONDER YEARS. He’s acted in everything from SAVING PRIVATE RYAN to AVATAR and now shows his chops as an accomplished DP. Good for him!

Anyway, the movie’s good. Go watch it.

Horrorfest 2025: The Last Man on Earth

The Last Man on Earth

Written by Richard Matheson and William F. Leicester

Based on the novel by Richard Matheson

Directed by Sidney Salkow and Ubaldo B. Ragona

Starring Vincent Price, Franca Bettoia, Emma Danieli and Giacomo Rossi Stuart

USA/Italy, 1964

What better way to start Horrorfest 2025 than with one of the first names in fear, Vincent Price. What’s Horrofest, you ask? It’s my way of celebrating spooky season, when the weather cools, the days shorten and the leaves get crunchy and fall: write about 31 horror movies in 31 days, preferably ones I’ve never seen before.

This year we kick things off with THE LAST MAN ON EARTH, the first film adaptation of the novel I AM LEGEND by Richard Matheson, which was later remade as OMEGA MAN with Charlton Heston and I AM LEGEND with Will Smith.

Vincent Price, as the titular last man, spends his days hunting the vampires that have taken over the Earth and nights hiding from them as they come out and bang on his door. We know they’re vampires because Price wards them off by hanging garlic and mirrors on his front door and dispatches them with the old stake-in-heart routine. But other than that, they function as precursors to what we now think of as zombies — turns out a virus got out of control (like that would ever happen, amirite) and turned everyone into zombie-like vampires.

It’s nice to see Price carry almost the whole movie on his own, but his performance is held a bit at arm’s length because this Italian co-production has a lot of overdubbing, typical of that country’s productions of the time. Also, he seems to be a bit miscast, not necessarily as the scientist he was before the apocalypse, but as the family man and later vampire hunter he has the edge he needs but maybe doesn’t generate the sympathy the movie is looking for? It’s hard to put your finger on why this master of horror isn’t the right lead for this picture, but he’s not.

Still, the movie has an interesting twist ending that explains the title of the novel (I AM LEGEND) in a way I feel like the Will Smith flick never did. Or, it did, and I forgot. Either way, it was a fun and surprising end to an otherwise fairly dull movie.