Written by Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy
Directed by Josh Ruben
Starring Olivia Holt, Mason Gooding, Gigi Zumbado, Michaela Watkins, Devon Sawa and Jordana Brewster
USA, 2025
A killer with a “heart eyes” mask and a crossbow targets couples on Valentine’s Day in this attempt at a comedy-slasher. I say attempt because it’s not very funny. To get an idea of the comedic misfires, you can just take a look at the first five or ten minutes of the movie, parodying a couple staging an Insta-worthy engagement at a winery, only to be murdered. It looks so fake, is so over-the-top, and is such a cartoon, that all the satire or whatever it’s meant to be is sucked right out of it and we’re left with… not much.
Anyway, the rest of the movie doesn’t quite lower itself to the cinematic depths of the opening, and settles into slightly more formulaic and boring territory which doesn’t necessarily make it any better and is instead just another form of badness. There’s one really good scare that I have to give the movie props for, maybe a half hour in, but that is the only highlight in the 97-minute run time that feels like 3 hours.
Look, I get it. This is as much a parody of rom-coms as it is a slasher movie. But, just because I get it doesn’t mean I have to like it.
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