Horrorfest 2012: The Mummy's Curse

Now we skip to the last real entry in the Universal MUMMY series (not counting the Abbot and Costello flick) for THE MUMMY'S CURSE. This time, monster-master Lon Chaney, Jr. takes on the part of the mummy. Unfortunately, the movie's not very good.

First of all, like Jason from FRIDAY THE 13th or Michael Myers from HALLOWEEN, the Mummy could be played by just about anyone and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.  Lon Chaney, Jr. was used to great effect in a lot of the Universal flicks, usually as the Wolf-Man and his put-upon alter ego, Larry Talbot (the poor bastard), but whenever he had to jump into other monster makeup, it was usually a waste. And that's a shame, because although Lon Chaney, Jr. is not the legend his father was, he was a great actor in his own right.

In this installment, we have more of the business with the magic leaves, and more of the business with Egyptian high priests using the Mummy as their thug, and more of the stuff about the dead princess and guarding her tomb, etc. Somehow between the previous MUMMY flick and this one, the action has moved to the swamps of Louisiana. Granted, it's a locale ripe with atmosphere and superstition that has been exploited to great effect in other horror flicks, but it's not the first place that springs to mind when you think of mummies.

In THE MUMMY'S CURSE, we actually get two mummies, as the dead princess (Virginia Christine) and object of Chaney's desire also rises from the dead. The best segments of the movie involve her, especially one genuinely creepy sequence in which she slowly lowers herself into a swamp to clean off the dust and decay of thousands of years.

We also get another look at the flashback footage of Boris Karloff from the original Mummy flick. It seems even more out of place in this movie than it did in THE MUMMY'S HAND, and served once again to highlight the flaws of this flick by showing some key scenes from a much better. You also have to wonder what exactly the filmmaker's are up to when their movie runs less than an hour and contains about 10 minutes of flashbacks.

As an Ed Wood fan, I was interested to note that Peter Coe plays the villainous Egyptian high priest in this flick. In his later years, Coe was one of director Ed Wood's last friends who was there right up until the day Wood died.

In any case, this is not one of Universal's best, and it is not a great showcase for Lon Chaney, Jr. Still, I've gone years without seeing any of these MUMMY sequels, so it's about time I had a brief overview.  They just keep making me want to watch the original Boris Karloff MUMMY more and more.

Horrorfest 2012: The Mummy's Hand

So far this month I’ve been counting down the top 31 highest rated horror flicks on Netflix Watch Instantly that I haven’t seen yet, and I’ve been going in order. Today I’m going to skip ahead a little – two movies in the Universal MUMMY series are on my list, and I wanted to watch them in order of production.

It wouldn’t be Horrorfest without at least a little Universal horror. Unfortunately, THE MUMMY’S HAND, the second in Universal’s MUMMY series, isn’t an example of their best work. Still, it isn’t an example of the studio’s worst work, either.

As a follow up to the original Boris Karloff chiller, THE MUMMY, THE MUMMY’S HAND pales in comparison. Not only does the story have nothing to do with the original, but the film lacks all of the creepy atmosphere and deliberate, suspenseful pacing that put the original right on par with more famous monster flicks like DRACULA and FRANKENSTEIN.

Of course, Karloff was one major element that made the first MUMMY work. He’s absent here, with the exception of a couple of flashback scenes, and cowboy actor Tom Tyler takes the role instead. It’s not much of a role, in this flick, as the mummy just lumbers around, silently stalking his prey. In the original, the Mummy was able to regenerate into a Dracula-esque gentleman to go under cover with the rest of human society in order to carry out his dastardly plans.

THE MUMMY’S HAND concerns two bumbling archaeologists, one less dumb (Steve Banning) than the other (Wallace Ford), who stumble onto some clues leading them to the secret location of an ancient Egyptian princess’ tomb. In order to fund their expedition, they recruit a drunk stage magician (Cecil Kellaway) and his skeptical daughter (Peggy Moran).

Meanwhile, a dying Egyptian high priest (Eduardo Ciannelli) tasks his successor (George Zucco) with keeping this princess’ tomb undisturbed. In order to do so, they enlist the undead mummy (Tom Tyler) as a bodyguard/hitman. See, back in the day, when the mummy was alive, he was in love with the princess. After she died, he stole secret magical leaves to help bring her back to life, but was caught in the act and buried alive for his efforts. Now, he’s doomed to protect her tomb for eternity as a member of the walking dead, a slave to whoever controls the magic leaves that bring him life.

Anyway, the archaeologists look for the tomb and the mummy limps around the hillsides killing people off. A lot of time is wasted on the comic duo of Ford and Kellaway, but the comedy is not as funny as they probably want it to be. The scares aren’t as scary as they could be, either, although there is a legitimately chilling effect used on the Mummy to render his eyes and mouth as creepy black holes.

So, we’re left with a rather bland adventure film, though it does have its moments and is far from outright bad. The flashbacks re-used from the original MUMMY film made me want to watch the original again, and made it clear just how much this sequel lacks compared to its predecessor.

Horrorfest 2012: Creepshow

CREEPSHOW is yet another in a series of movies I've always heard of but only just recently got around to watching. This is an anthology horror flick directed by one of my favorites, George Romero. Unfortunately it doesn't live up to the promise of his NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD series, among the best horror films ever made.

Inspired by horror comics and written by Stephen King, CREEPSHOW tells 5 stories of varying quality, mostly combining campy humor with horror. On one hand, the movie does a great job of framing things in a comic book style, using lots of inventive visuals to tell the story the same way a classic comic book would, changing the size of the frame to emphasize different shots, etc. On the other, I think a lot of the casual, sloppy, "kidding" attitude comes from the comic book angle, as well, which is disappointing, because you'd think a couple guys paying homage to something would be able to take it at least a little seriously.

You can see just how seriously Stephen King takes the material right there on the screen in the second story, THE LONESOME DEATH OF JORDY VERRILL in which King himself plays the title character, a hayseed who discovers a meteor that turns him into a human vegetable. King has all the subtlety of Jim Varney here. If I wasn't watching this to review it, I probably would have turned it off at this point.

I'm glad I didn't, because I think the third story was my favorite, SOMETHING TO TIDE YOU OVER in which jealous husband Leslie Nielsen captures the man (Ted Danson) who has stolen his wife and tortures him by burying him neck deep in sand and allowing the tide to drown him. This segment is played the straightest of all of the segments, which is ironic, considering you've got Nielsen and Danson as stars, as opposed to the likes of Ed Harris, Hal Holbrook and E.G. Marshall in some of the lighter segments.

The final 2 stories concern a college professor who discovers a beast in a crate and sets it loose on his wife and a neat freak whose impeccably clean apartment is overrun with vengeful cockroaches. The first story, which I skipped over, has an abusive father returning from the grave.  There's also a framing segment in which a kid (King's son) gets revenge on his father for throwing out his Creepshow comics. Most of the stories contain numerous references to booze, with characters constantly carrying around bottles of hard-A, so we know where King's mind was at when he was scribbling this down.

I guess it sounds a little dumb for me to be complaining about how the filmmakers didn't take this material seriously. I mean, what do I expect, right? Still, even if they approach it as a farce with a wink and a nod, they should do THAT as seriously as possible. It's the only way for it to work. Nothing is worse for comedy than when people act like they're being funny (hear that, Stephen King?). Romero's own LIVING DEAD flicks have their funny moments, but they're nuanced and subtle, the stuff of satire. Not mugging and slapstick and wacky sound effects.

Horrorfest 2012: The Masque of the Red Death

I was excited to watch THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH this year because the film's star, Vincent Price, never lets me down. Even though he plays terrible villains, there's something reassuring about his presence, almost like a seal of quality -- this film is Vincent Price approved.

THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH is yet another of the Roger Corman produced/directed movies loosely based on Edgar Allen Poe stories that came out in the 1960s. This time around, we have a good follow up to BLACK DEATH, as the flick takes place in medieval times and involves another plague, the fictitious Red Death.

The movie opens with a somewhat abstract scene almost worthy of Ingmar Bergman, as an old peasant woman encounters a mysteriously red-shrouded figure on a desolate mountain side and receives a prophetic message -- the day of deliverance is at hand.

Although modestly budgeted compared to major Hollywood releases of the time, this flick is thick with atmosphere from shot one, and the color is put to great use as the red-shrouded figure pops off the screen surrounded by gray scenery.

Turns out the old woman lives in a small village overseen by a local Prince, Prospero (Vincent Price) who is not only a total dick but also a Satanist. Upon his visit to the village at the beginning of the film, he almost runs over a child, punches one of his own guards, sentences two dudes to death, kidnaps a chick and ultimately burns the whole place down.  This is the kind of Prince we're dealing with.

Prospero discovers evidence that the Red Death has infested the village and holes up in his castle to keep himself safe, promising safety to a band of nobles he invites over to school in the ways of Satan and party with. The chick he kidnapped from the village (Jane Asher) turns out to be the daughter/lover of the two dudes who were initially sentenced to death (Nigel Green and David Weston). Prospero dedicates his time to wooing the otherwise Christian beauty to the dark side, while his wife (Hazel Court) seeks to marry Satan in an effort to make Prospero pay attention to her.

All the while the mysterious red-cloaked figure lurks on the mountainside overlooking the castle, and you begin to think maybe he has it in for Prospero. As the movie ramps up to its spectacularly satisfying climax, we see just who the red-cloaked figure is.

THE MASQUE OF THE RED DEATH is a good example of how you can do a lot with a little -- I shit-talked THE TOXIC AVENGER not because of its modest origins but because of the way it squandered its ingenuity and ambition on bullshit. Roger Corman is a much better low-budget role model than the guys at Troma, in case you're looking for an indie hero.

Horrorfest 2012: Black Death

The recent British flick BLACK DEATH was waaaay better than I thought it was going to be. That's why it's nice to watch movies so arbitrarily, based on lists and whims and things like that -- it's the only way to really find pleasant surprises.

BLACK DEATH takes place in medieval England during the time of the Plague, and follows a young novice monk (Eddie Redmayne) who joins a group of Christian mercenaries led by a knight (Sean Bean of LORD OF THE RINGS fame) in their search for a nearby village that seems to have been spared by the plague. Is this because they've made a pact with the devil, in which case they must be destroyed? Or, do they have some other secret?

The novice monk is having a crisis of fatih of his own. He's in love and has already broken his vows by sleeping with a woman (Kimberly Nixon) who he sent away to safety when the plague struck his town. Now, he's joined this group just to get back to her.

Meanwhile, Sean Bean's knight character is the exact opposite -- although he can be a cold blooded killer, he's so certain in his faith that he doesn't question it for a moment.

The movie is heavy with atmosphere, beautifully shot, and suspenseful as hell, especially in the final passages when the whole "test of faith" angle is really amped up after a somewhat lagging middle section. I was never able to guess which direction the story was heading, and was constantly surprised with the territory and ideas that it explored, which is always refreshing. On top of all of this, all of the performances were solid and all of the characters were well drawn, so I always cared about what was happening and who it was happening to.

The only potential flaw in the flick, aside from the lagging middle section I mentioned before, is the fact that the story is framed in such a way that it deals with Christians being persecuted at the hands of Pagans, when in reality I'm pretty sure it was almost always the other way around. Still, this isn't supposed to be a history lesson, it's a specific story about a specific group of people, and I liked that however superstitious all the characters were, and however much the film seemed to take place in an apocalyptic time, it never strayed from the realm of reality.

Horrorfest 2012: The Toxic Avenger

I first heard of the B-movie schlockmeisters at Troma in the pages of Filmfax magazine, that newsprint Godsend of all things cult and classic, one of my few gateways to the world of psychotronic cinema in the days before the Internet came into its own.

In the 90s, Troma released TROMEO AND JULIET, a sleazy, anarchic, punk-rock, gutter-trash attempt to cash in on the popularity of the Baz Luhrman ROMEO + JULIET that was so successful. It was praised in the pages of Filmfax, so I took their word for it, rented the movie, and was... appalled? Embarrassed?

I guess it wasn't so much the content of TROMEO AND JULIET that disturbed me. It was how shitty the movie was. It was clearly thrown together on a shoe string with absolutely no signs of ambition or creativity. Just images put in front of a video camera. I'd sat through shit before, but this was the bottom of the barrel.

Still, the studio name Troma kept popping up here and there and I thought, hey, maybe they started out with some quality flicks and really had something to say, and then descended into trash in their later years.

So, that's just a long-winded way of getting to the point where I watched THE TOXIC AVENGER the other night, probably the most famous Troma flick and one of the first. And it was still terrible. There was no descent to trash -- it was trash from the beginning. To be fair, I guess that's what people like about the stuff that comes out of Troma, but also to be fair, that is dumb.

Anyway, THE TOXIC AVENGER is the story of a nerd (Mark Torgl) who is picked on by the hunks and babes who frequent the health club he works at as a janitor to the point that they eventually end up dumpig him into toxic waste. He emerges with hideous burns and boils on his flesh, somehow grows in stature and strength, develops a kind of Spidey-sense for misdeeds occurring nearby, and becomes The Toxic Avenger (Mitch Cohen in body, Kenneth Kessler in voice).

The Toxic Avenger goes about splitting his time between cleaning up the town by fighting gangsters and muggers, and hunting down the gang who wronged him. On the side, he romances a blind woman (Andree Maranda) who he rescues mid-rape. Lots of shitty blind jokes ensue.

The unique thing about the Toxic Avenger as a "superhero" is that he dispatches the villains in particularly gruesome and murderous ways, the likes of which Freddy and Jason would be proud of. The crooked mayor (Pat Ryan, Jr.) puts a hit out on the Toxic Avenger, and it isn't long before the national guard is called in. The movie and the citizens of town want the Toxic Avenger saved because of his good deeds in cleaning up the town, but I wasn't so sure. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the Toxic Avenger was... taken care of?

The movie attempts to be a parody, but it's not funny or smart enough for that, and most of the good will goes out the window with the extensive gore and general mean-spirited tone of the whole affair. I'm a fan of grass roots film success stories in which independently-minded mavericks take on the system and get their vision out there while breaking all the rules, but I'm not a fan of movies with the kind of editing mistakes I used to make when I was 9.

Horrorfest 2012: The Gate

THE GATE was a pleasant surprise that I had never heard of before -- a 1987 horor film clearly aspiring to fit into the Spielberg sub-genre that was so popular at the time. It's not entirely successful, but it's a shame it's not more well known.

Young Stephen Dorff stars as a young kid who accidentally opens a gate to hell with his best friend (Louis Tripp) and must close it back up again with the help of his older sister (Christa Denton) who is babysitting while their parents are gone for the weekend.

The hole starts as the remnants of an uprooted tree in Dorff's backyard, but weird stuff starts happening soon after it is opened. Several seemingly coincidental elements (a cut hand, a dead dog) begin to add up as Dorff and his friend have nightmarish visions. It isn't long before Tripp's best pal character notices his favorite heavy metal album has instructions embedded in the lyrics both on how to open and how to close just such a hell gate.

With all the wide-eyed shots of kids with their hair blowing in supernatural gusts of wind, and atmospheric flashlight beams slicing through foggy nights in suburban -- but still creepy! --neighborhoods, it is clear that director Tibor Takacs must have been familiar with the then-popular Spielberg brand of horror. Still, this works in the movie's favor and doesn't render it simply as a dated clone.

I guess part of this is due to the special effects work -- there are some delightful throwbacks to stop motion monsters, and some tiny, menacing creatures played by men in costumes with the aid of camera tricks. All of this stuff is very memorable, even more so since it all happens to a group of kids while their parents are out of town, without a single grownup in sight to help. All of this stuff calls back easily to  the common elements that show up in our collective nightmares.

I liked the balance of small and epic. On one hand, you're dealing with 3 kids in one house with a hole in the backyard. On the other, you're dealing with a gateway to hell and unleashing demons that might lead to armageddon. But to the movie's credit, they never have to get the authorities involved or even really explain what exactly is going on. These kids just know they have to get it taken care of before Mom and Dad get home.