Around 1:00 this afternoon I found out that my new neighbors aren't very good at having sex. They got it all backwards. It only lasted a few seconds, and the dude was really loud. Everyone knows it should last forever and the woman should be loud, not the dude. At least, if you want me to enjoy listening to it. Which, you might as well, since I can hear it anyway.
My old neighbors were better at sex. They were also funny. One time after they were done, the dude mumbled something I couldn't understand and the girl replied, "No, really, it was good, seriously." So I'm thinking maybe I enjoyed it more than her.
Eventually their "good" sex turned into really good fights. One time the girl yelled at the guy, "Well, at least I didn't fuck some fat bitch from Walla Walla."
Then the quality of the fights deteriorated and it just became the dude threatening to leave and the girl begging him to stay. They'd do this for a couple hours, then get in bed. The dude would then attempt to initiate some love making, and the girl would say she wasn't in the mood, she had to get up early the next day. Then, they'd argue about this until they fell asleep.
Finally I came home one day and the apartment was empty and they were gone. Now, I have these new neighbors who never fight and don't know how to have sex so I can fully enjoy it.
Although now that I think about it, it is kind of funny how loud the dude was. So they're not totally worthless.
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