We’re going to jump out of chronological order
(again) here to go back to 1985 real quick for THE HILLS HAVE EYES PART II, which
sucks.
Real quick: It's the tale of another bus-full
of cannibal fodder who breaks down in the middle of the desert and is attacked
by Michael Berryman (who I guess lived through the other movie) and the rest of
his crazy family. The only difference is this time the bus-full of cannibal
fodder knew they were in a desert full of cannibals and went ahead and stopped
there, anyway.
This time around our main characters include
the cannibal sister from the first film (Janus Blythe) who has reformed and is
now leading a group of young motorbike enthusiasts into the desert to get to a
motorbike race. The dude who survived the first movie (Robert Houston) has
invented some kind of super motorbike fuel and everyone wants to try it out.
But Houston's like, "Desert? Cannibals? Fuck that shit," and
immediately drops out of the film.
Well, not immediately. First he's the source
of a shitload of flashbacks. I didn't do any scientific studies or anything but
I'd guess roughly 15 of the first 30 minutes of this film are flashbacks. After
Houston's done with his flashbacks, Blythe has some and just when you think
you're done with recycled footage, everyone's favorite dog, Beast, shows up and
starts flashing back.
There's some other stuff dealing with a blind
psychic (Tamara Stafford) who I couldn't tell was blind until like halfway
through the movie. But it doesn't really matter, basically there's a bunch of
flashbacks, then some violence, then it's over.
Jees, Wes, even your TV movies were better
than this shit. Except CHILLER. Nothing is worse than CHILLER.
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