We Three Kings of Orient Aren't

As I approached Wal-Mart with my old friend Levi and his brother, Luke, Levi said, "How's it feel to be the three coolest guys at Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve?"

"Not one of my finer moments," Luke said.

"Look, a phone booth," I said, pointing to the first phone booth I'd seen in a while. "And it's not being ironic or anything."

After browsing for a while, we were on our way out of the store when an older gentleman who was following us down the aisle spoke up.

"You look like the three wise men," he said.

I wasn't sure whether or not he was speaking to us so I continued walking.

"You look like the three wise men," he repeated. "You left the nativity scene unattended. You better get back to the manger."

Levi and I laughed nervously in half-acknowledgement.

When the man was gone, Luke said, "Did that guy just say we look like the three wise men?"

"Yes," I said. "He did."

I looked us over. Sure, there were three of us, and we're definitely men, and I guess you could even say we're all wise in one way or another. For instance, I'm a wise ass.

But, aside from that, I'm not sure what else made us look like the three wise men, presumably the ones of Biblical fame, though unless I'm mistaken the Bible never really decides how many dudes there are, or even if they're wise. But for whatever reason everyone decided there's three of them, and they're wise, and they're kings.

But, they're from the East. And me, Levi and Luke are three dudes from the West. Also, in many traditional portrayals, one of the wise men is almost always a token black man. Kind of like Winston in GHOSTBUSTERS. But there are four Ghostbusters and three wise men. Even in the movie, THREE KINGS, one of the dudes is black (Ice Cube) though I could never figure out which three of them are the three kings -- Clooney, Cube and Wahlberg? Does Spike Jonze count? Or are Cube, Wahlberg and Jonze the kings and Clooney is kind of like the leader of the Three Musketeers, of whom there were four?

I guess when you get right down to it there isn't that much that's Biblical about me, Levi and Luke except for our names.

Mine's Paul, by the way.