Two reasons you shouldn't eat at TGI Friday's

Reason 1:

I learned this one the hard way.

Back in the olden days, my family used to go on little weekend outings to Portland or Salem or sometimes the suburbs right outside Portland to visit places like the Washington Square Mall. I'd go to the book store, check out CDs, and go to Suncoast while the rest of my family shopped for real stuff like clothes.

After that, we'd go to TGI Friday's. I'd usually get what TGI Friday's considered "fish 'n' chips." Then, we'd get in the car and drive home. The drive would take about 45 minutes, and that turned out to be exactly the amount of time it took my body to totally reject the so-called food I had just eaten. So, as we pulled into the drive way, I'd launch out of the car, run to the bathroom, and explode all over the toilet.

This didn't happen once. This happened every time.

In high school, this girl I was dating and I decided to take our own trip to Washington Square mall. I was excited. It seemed so grown up. Just me and my old lady, out on the town, alone on the glamorous streets of Tigard or Tualatin or whatever shithole that mall calls home. Being a year older than me and having a cooler car, she drove. At the time I thought it was just a nice activity for a weekend afternoon, but as I think about it now I figure she must have been embarrassed to be seen with me on our home turf where others might be shocked to see us doing things like walking next to each other and holding hands.

I only say so because when one of my buddies mentioned to her that he heard I was dating her she said, "Oh? Why would you think that?"

But I digress. Point is, unlike my family trips to Washington Square mall, we decided to stop at TGI Friday's first and THEN go to the mall. At first I didn't think twice about it, but about 45 minutes later when we were strolling along holding hands, a familiar feeling hit my stomach. A cold sweat broke out. The feeling was familiar, but the setting was alien. I was NOT pulling into my driveway, mere seconds from my own familiar toilet, far from the prying eyes of chicks I wanted to make out with.

I had to drop everything, frantically hunt for a public restroom, and take an inordinate amount of time destroying the toilet. All with my date standing around outside wondering what the hell my problem was.

On the bright side, I still got to make out with her.

Reason 2:

TGI Friday's is fucking stupid.