Over the last few weeks I've noticed a strange phenomenon. Every day when I leave my desk, they're all fine. When I get back to my desk in the morning, a ghastly sight awaits.
You see, Snake-Eyes commits suicide, every night. He drops to his death from the hanging file basket and the next morning I find his broken body lying prostrate on the surface of my desk.
First, I scream, "Snake-Eyes NO!" Then, as if I'm in that flick GROUNDHOG DAY, I pick him up and put him back where he belongs as if nothing happened. I leave for the day, come back the next morning, and he's done it again. His sword brother, Storm Shadow, both friend and foe, looks down at Snake-Eyes' body with deep remorse.
Today, after several days of repeated suicides, I got to wondering what Snake-Eyes' problem is. Snake-Eyes is easily one of the coolest GI Joes. He has a lot to live for and a lot going for him. Let's review:
-- He's a grand master ninja
-- He's a real American hero
-- He's there (for me and you and the rest of the world in case Cobra attacks)
-- He knows stuff (and knowing is half the battle)
-- He's banging Scarlett (the other half of the battle)
Why would a dude like that want to end it all?
Maybe he saw the trailer for the upcoming movie and killed himself because of how lame it looks?
Maybe he read that he's being played by Ray Park in the movie, the dude who accidentally got famous for playing Darth Maul and now stars in every other movie based on a property lots of nerds like that requires a guy who doesn't talk or show his face?
Maybe it's post traumatic stress syndrome?
Or maybe he's just bummed out that he's mute as a result of a tragic helicopter accident? I mean, if I couldn't talk I might kill myself, too.
Just think, poor Snake-Eyes can't even yell out, "I regret nothing!" before jumping to his doom.
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