Urinal Journal

Every now and then, when you least expect it, you find a urinal that is special -- sometimes they're special in a good way, sometimes they're special in a bad way.  Over the last few days, I've come across two special urinals.  One good, one bad.  Both special.

I ran into the good urinal at the Matador.  To be honest, I'd actually run into this urinal once before, but I don't frequent the Matador so although it was special, I forgot about it.  In any case, it was gigantic.  Epic.  If it was a novel it would have embraced more than 500 characters and would have been set during the Napoleonic Wars.  If it was a movie it would have been directed by David Lean with music by Maurice Jarre and would require 2 VHS tapes when it came to home video.  

It was huge.  A dual urinal, really, joined in the middle, taking up quite a bit of wall space, made out of what appeared to be marble.  It was almost a walk-in urinal.  It was like two bath tubs standing on their ends, side by side.  Silent monoliths.  It looked like it dated back to the turn of the century, as if the urinals had been there first and the building had been constructed around them.

So, I peed in it.  I'm pretty sure a dude was snorting coke in the stall, though, so I high-tailed it out of there instead of spending some quality time.

The bad urinal was at The Hutch.  Now, to be fair, there wasn't really anything wrong with the urinal itself.  It was pretty average.  One of those "bowl" style ones that hangs part way up the wall.  

Here's the thing, though:  it was the highest urinal I've ever seen.  It was about as high as the dude in the stall at the Matador.

Seriously, the edge of the bowl was about even with my junk.  Not only was it high, but it was one of those ones that collects standing water.  I shuddered at the thought -- it was so high, if I stood there and honestly tried to pee in it, my balls were liable to end up taking a bath.  I sized it up and decided just to go for the toilet.

I've seen the kid urinal -- the one that's a little smaller and attached to the wall maybe a foot lower than the adult urinal.  This was like the exact opposite of that.  I would have needed a stool to make it work.

There have been many special urinals in my life.  The gigantic one at the Hotel Oregon in McMinnville, only made more special by the fact that it stands proudly next to a depressingly average counterpart.  The halfway outdoors ones in Paris, their majesty filed away in my memory right along with Cathedrale Notre-Dame de Bayeux.  The various troughs the public school system and many sporting arenas seem to think are necessary.  But they're usually few and far between.  It's rare I come across two special urinals in one week.

I'm just lucky, I guess.